My Partner / Loved One Insists they don’t have an Anger problem!

Many people call in for Anger Management services requesting it for their partners or their loved ones. The first thing we ask them is whether or not the person they are calling on behalf of is willing to attend or are they the ones insisting they attend.  It’s important that anyone attending any type of treatment be a willing participant. When people deny they have an anger problem and family members have to force them to attend such life altering treatment, it can be sabotaged because the person attending is coming against their will.

We understand that many times family members feel helpless or even afraid of the anger and the violent tendencies of such individuals.  However, the most critical thing that must take place with Angry and abusive individuals is to put boundaries in place to make sure everyone feels safe. Boundary setting can be especially difficult. For some, this might mean asking the Angry and abusive family member to leave the home, or call authorities to remove the individual once they have engaged in Abusive or criminal behavior.

When people show resistance to Anger Management therapy or getting help, it could be for a plethora of reasons.  Sometimes, it is simply because they have much to gain by continuing abusive behaviour and the family supports it. Sometimes, it’s a way of getting attention by others and sometimes they bully the family members to get what they want and it works. If these specific reasons are why individuals are resisting therapy, there will be little a professional can do, if family members are not willing to do their part and put boundaries in place.   Signs of resistance will manifest even in Anger Management therapy, and when that is the case, there is little an Anger Management professional can do to ease concerns of the family members.  Many times, bad behavior has been reinforced for so long by the family that something radical has to take place before change can happen. When family members aren’t willing or unable to make radical changes, abusive behaviors continue.

In addition to that, when Abusive or Angry individuals are pushed into Anger management therapy, they often believe they are not the only ones with the problem and that others pointing the fingers at them are just as much to blame.

Some recommendations to help individuals consider Anger Management therapy include;

  1. Avoiding judgement of such individuals. The approach and reason for therapy should not be presented because they “are bad “or “wrong”.   The intention of therapy should be to bring about closeness once again with that family member and help to bring intimacy back into the family. Intention makes the world of difference.
  2. Consider attending therapy with them.
  3. Give them freedom to choose (agency, therapist, and times for treatment) Let them feel they have a say in the process.

If you believe that a family member can benefit from Anger Management services contact us at and we will be pleased to answer any questions and provide the support you need.

Anger Management Resources Inc.

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