Do you ever get the desire to check your spouse’s telephone log? Do you ever feel the need to examine their instant messages or email in-box? Maybe there are messages from somebody you don’t know, or perhaps you feel that somebody you do know is having an interest- possibly on the verge of wooing your spouse – and you simply have to determine or prove that right?
Maybe after you’ve confirmed their whereabouts, checked their telephone, tailed them or observed their belongings – just to confirm to yourself that nothing is happening, but clearly – you still can’t shake the inclination that you have to continue checking? Just in case?
Is this something you find yourself doing all too often?
Indeed, you are not the only one. Many people have to manage their impulses of jealously in relationships and this can be the saboteur of why things fall apart later down the road. Why we get jealous is not necessarily the problem. It could be a learned behaviour; it could be an inherited trait, insecurities from past relationships or basically appears to have showed up at some point in our lives. Regardless of how often you check – and regardless of what consolations your spouse gives – the desire to insinuate something is going on haunts you.
This habit will keep you in a prison and it will be impossible not to tempt your partner to anger if you continually engage in this behaviour. If your partner constantly feels that you are sneaking and violating their personal space and belongings in order to find information on their whereabouts and behaviours. By the same token, you find it difficult to rid yourself of anger and jealousy if you believe your partner is going out on you. Something has got to give!
Communication is the key when you struggle with jealousy. You’ve got to trust your partner enough to tell them you have insecurities or trust issues. If you can’t trust your partner with the truth about who you are, your relationship is already questionable. Many people want their partner to think they are confident, and they perceive their insecurity as a weakness. But weak or not, it’s the truth!! You are jealous, you are paranoid, and you are angry because of this.
The Anger is this equation stems from two places. One being, you most likely hate the fact that you are insecure and the fact that you have to go behind your partners’ back to gain information. Two, you probably hate the fact that your partner is not doing what it takes to ease this painful emotion.
Anger is a primary emotion that hides other real vulnerable emotions like jealousy and insecurity. Without being honest about what you are really feeling and confiding in your partner, these emotions continue to persist. The Anger requires one thing and that is for you to communicate the truth about your jealousy.
If you believe you can benefit from Anger Management services for your jealousy, contact us at info@angermanagement.ca and we will be pleased to answer any questions and provide the support you need.