I keep Attracting Unhealthy Relationships!


Yes, Anger is energy!  What we know about energy is that it never dies, but can only be transformed. So what does this have to do with the fact that we keep attracting the same unhealthy relationships. How does it affect who we are attracted to and who is attracted to us? Think of your anger energy as a hard drive that has saved and recorded all your emotional pain and wounds from the time you were a child.  However, as children we may not have had the tools or wisdom to solve emotional problems effectively, so we stored these memories till an opportune time.


Few people give credence to the fact we are humans and therefore we are energy. We attract and we repel others based on this energy (stored emotional pain).   Attraction is based on more than what the eye can physically see.  We are drawn to people in very mysterious ways.  Yes, there may be physical attraction initially, but do you ever wonder after the euphoria has worn off “why the experience with this person seems so familiar?”   A popular belief in psychology is that as adults, we simply relive new situations based on old unresolved problems from our childhood. Freud, father of psychology called this “Repetition Compulsion’

“Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes e-enacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

Unresolved emotional problems in our childhood form the root of these repetitive encounters. Most often, our original offender is a parent, caregiver or someone who had significant impact in our childhood. Someone we probably loved and trusted on one hand, and resented and disappointed us on the other. When we repress or deny our anger or pain over time, it forms strength and momentum in our lives looking for opportunities and outlets in order to justify its existence.  What better opportunity than to subconsciously attract someone similar to the person who offended you in the first place. That’s why it often looks like we have attracted our mother, our father or a childhood caregiver who failed us in some way. Ideally,  in the present re-enactment we are looking for a happy ending.. but don’t know how to get there.

What do you do when you realize you keep attracting the same energy? Be conscious of it, and try to determine beyond your physical attraction to this person what emotions they evoke in you.  When there is conflict with that person, what are you tempted to do?  Becoming conscious is the first step to breaking free from the pattern of attracting unhealthy relationships. Once we are conscious, then we can start implementing tools.

If you believe you may be experiencing repetition compulsion with respect to whom you are attracted to and vice versa, contact us at info@angermanagement.ca and we will be pleased to answer any questions and provide the support you need.

Anger Management Resources Inc.

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