Many people find themselves in situations where they despise or scorn confrontation because they are afraid of asserting themselves to others, or lack the tools to effectively express their anger without losing control. As a result, they habitually live in relationships where their voice is not heard, and others are given ample opportunities to take advantage of them, leaving them with feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and ultimately anger.
Many of us don’t quite appreciate the power of our voice, the gift we have been given in this life to proclaim our existence and worthiness. Most people feel as if they don’t have a choice because they grew up in homes with messages like “Kids are to be seen, not heard, or Keep your mouth shut when I am talking to you. Perhaps they witnessed other voiceless souls get punished for choosing to speak up. Nevertheless, such individuals have resolved to a live a life with voicelessness.
There are many consequences of not speaking up including;
- Voicelessness says very loudly “I don’t matter! This belief system attracts more and more experiences and situations to justify its existence. For instance, if subconsciously, we are reaffirming the belief “I don’t matter by not speaking up at home, we will also attract similar experiences at work, socially and even financially.
- We fail others by not speaking up because at times we’ve been given the responsibility of correcting others and letting them know how their behavior affects us and others. Failing to do our part to communicate this information hurts everyone involved in the equation, including the offender who never gets a mirror to see his or herself.
- The word Emotions comes from the word “emote” which means to move. When we fail to communicate our emotional pain with others by expressing it to the person it is attached to, the pain gets stuck and dwells within our own soul perpetuating anger and resentment. Failing to move this energy can create psychosomatic symptoms and diseases like headaches, strokes, heart attacks, indigestion, skin disorders and much more.
- Sometimes, the underlying motive in not expressing how we feel is to punish the offender. By withholding this information from others, we can judge them in our mind as “Bad or evil people”. The problem with this scenario is that when we hold on the truth without expressing it, we really punish ourselves by sabotaging any opportunities that may lie ahead in other relationships with other people or other things. We also fail to grow and find lessons in our experiences.
- Not speaking up prevents others from respecting us. Others receive a strong message from our unwillingness to speak up and draw conclusions such as “you don’t respect yourself “and if you don’t respect yourself, I don’t have to either.
Our voice is a God given gift to express our feelings and our pain. While our understanding of this power can be compromised though cultural norms, traumatic situations, our environment, fear etc., it is necessary to for us to see the value in speaking up. We must be willing to take the risks and overcome the fears of expressing our feelings to others irrespective of how they respond or fail to respond.
We have anger management therapists to help you if you feel you suffer from voicelessness. If you believe that you can benefit from Anger Management services contact us at info@angermanagement.ca and we will be pleased to answer any questions and provide the support you need. If you find yourself constantly angry, and want to gain control of your anger, we have unique and effective tools to help you with Anger Issues and help you address how you never speak up.
Anger Management Resources Inc.