You know a relationship is unhealthy when you experience any of the following;
- They trigger you to feel a host of negative emotions that you are unable to resolve with them.
- They continually make you feel bad about who you really are
- They continually make you feel powerlessness.
- They continually make you feel choiceless
- They control the way you feel and their voice about your self worth is greater than your own.
- Your emotional pain feels like a fire you can’t put out.
Many might argue that our insecurities are our own problems to start with and we can’t blame others for it. This is very true but we all have insecurities, and we are given relationships to try to work them out. There are two types of relationships that we will attract during our lifetime, relationships that build us and make us stronger, giving us more faith about ourselves. And then, they are relationships that erode our self esteem and eat away at the little faith we had in the first place. If we have been drawn to the latter at any point in our lives, we must take drastic measures to heal ourselves and initiate damage control. The people we invite into ours live, and the people we allow to stay make grand statements about what we truly feel about ourselves. Choosing to hold on or let go of unhealthy relationships will be the ultimate choice we will have to make.
What is the solution?
If and when possible you must remove yourself from people or relationships that make you feel bad about yourself. Each day you choose to stay in relationship with someone who hurts you sends a message that “ you truly are unworthy, powerless and choiceless.
Perhaps, you can’t get out right away. Many of us live in situations that’s difficult to abandon or withdraw from, and if that’s the case, you must start to plan an escape route and build tolerance while the fire is still burning.
How do I build Tolerance?
We begin to build tolerance by starting to pay attention to the problem that’s before us. Getting out of denial about the reality and the truth we live in (Pay Attention)
Develop an attitude of problem solving which means planning ahead on how to respond to encounters with this person. (Thinking Ahead)
Start to implement strategies like time out/ Cool Thoughts/ to calm you down when you feel triggered.
If what has been described in this blog describes your situation, its probably too late for apologies or discussions. You are in a phase within your relationship where you are simply waiting to leave. The goal is to get out with as little offense as possible and simply be empowered with the truth that you deserve better.
If you would like to know more about some of these tools, call into our office at 1-866.512.2275 or log email us info@angermanagement.ca and we will be happy to send you resources
Anger Management Resources.