When to call it Quits with Out of Control Anger


It can be difficult to live with someone who loses control with their anger but then is quick to turn around and say I’m sorry. After they’ve punched a hole in the wall, and called you four letter words, to then say I love you.  How do you know when enough is enough?

It’s a great question that only you can truly answer.  When someone has a tendency to lose control, the long term prognosis isn’t promising because it’s a habit that only gets worse with time.  If deliberate intervention is not sought to uproot the cause of losing control, it can start to manifest into all types of maladaptive behaviours and attitudes. Once a pattern of losing control becomes habitual, one never know how ‘out of control “one can’t truly get, and life can become chaotic and unpredictable.

Losing control is stepping out of boundaries as to what is acceptable angry behavior.

From a clinical perspective, you can use the following check list to help you cement the decision made to stay or leave

  • Does the person become emotional abusive when conversations get heated?
  • Do they hit, push shove or threaten to do to when upset?
  • Do they break thing or punch walls?
  • Do they lose sight of where they are, become tunnel vision or act uncontrollably regardless of who is around?
  • Do they turn to addictions like smoking or drinking when their anger arises?
  • Have they lost the fear of authority, police or other forms of power?
  • Have they suffered brain trauma that could be contributing to their out of control anger?
  • Are there medical reasons that could be causing them to lose control?
  • Are they harmful to animals?
  • Are they over the top with road rage that seems to be getting progressively worse
  • Do they do most things in excess, drink, party, eat, exercise?
  • Are they unforgiving and harp on past issues, and have an unwillingness to let it go?
  • Do they live with unresolved issues from their past?
  • Do others agree with you about what you are experiencing, E.g. family members?
  • Are you afraid of this person’s anger?

If you have said yes to at least one of these questions, it may be time for you to evaluate the health of your relationship and whether its in your best interest to stay involved.

If you or anyone you know can benefit from Anger Management counselling, contact us at 1- 866-512.2275 or email us info@angermanagement. ca




  1. Reply
    Jamie pruden says

    please send info on classes.

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